Afterthoughts - Time Will Tell
by Goddess Isa
Summary: Felicity has to get everything out, so she writes to Sally


TITLE: Afterthoughts - Time Will Tell  
AUTHOR: Goddess Isa  
EMAIL: goddessisa@aol.com  
SUMMARY: Felicity has to get everything out, so she writes to Sally  
RATING: TV-PG  
DISTRIBUTION: fanfiction.net under Goddess Isa  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Felicity etc. J.J. Abrams does. He kicks ass. I'll forgive all the bad he done, even the Twilight Zone ep  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I cried writing this. Oh God I miss my show already!!!!  
5/2/02  
  
  
Dear Sally,  
  
Sorry about last time…I got a little interrupted. By Noel.  
  
He came into my room and told me that he really did want to be with me, but he was scared. He was afraid he'd ruin our friendship and he didn't ever want to lose what we have as friends. I mean, we are best friends.  
  
And I assured him that that would never happen and then he was kissing me and we made love and it was just as amazing as the first time. Maybe more.  
  
Noel has great lips.  
  
That has nothing to do with anything and I am very sorry for sharing with you that detail that I really doubt you need.  
  
I just have so much to tell you, and not a lot of time to tell it in because I just realized that I have a huge art project due tomorrow and I haven't even started it.  
  
I also think that, despite the future I had, or would've had, I don't think I want to be a doctor. I know that isn't news to you, but…let me just explain.  
  
It was January 2003. I was in school in Palo Alto, pre-med, of course, and I got this phone call. My cell phone going off in the middle of an O-Chem class wasn't the greatest way to make the teacher like me. So I took the phone into the hall, and I answered the call, and I passed out.  
  
I mean I literally passed out. I don't think I've ever done that before, fainted in a public place. But when I woke up, I was still alone in the hall, and Noel was still on the phone, asking me if I was all right. I told him that I was alive, but I would never be all right. He told me that Elena wouldn't want me to fall apart and then, I really did fall apart.  
  
It was a car accident in the parking lot at Columbia where she was going to medical school. Someone hit her head-on and her car flipped over. They said she died instantly, but it still seems surreal to me.  
  
I went back to New York for her funeral, and I saw everyone. Richard and Javier and Meghan and Sean and Noel. I hadn't seen him in like seven months, and when he hugged me at the funeral, I felt like I never wanted him to let me go. Ben hadn't come to the funeral, and I needed someone to hold me and let me cry on their shoulder. That person would up being Javier though, because Sean had Meghan crying on his shoulder, and Noel left early to go finish up a project with Zoey. I'll bet you everything I own that the project had nothing to do with their job. Especially since Noel hadn't worked with Zoey in nearly a year.  
  
When I got back to California, there was this…I don't know….distance…between Ben and I. It seemed like no amount of effort could close it…in fact the gap seemed to widen whenever he tried to get close to me. Probably because I didn't want to be close to him.  
  
The last straw came right before finals. We'd met a girl in some of our pre-med classes named Claire who went to UNY the whole time we did, only we never met her. She remembered Ben from a few of her classes, and they started studying together. At first, it was the three of us, but then, it became Ben and Claire, and me and my laptop, alone in our apartment.  
  
My parents hated that I was living with Ben, and I think that was part of the reason why I did it. But coming home to an empty apartment, and sleeping in an empty bed most nights was lonelier than it would've been living with my mom or my dad.  
  
I went to an early class the last week of school, and when I came back to our apartment, I found them together. In bed. I packed as fast as I could and called Meghan on my cell while riding in a cab to the airport.  
  
She never let on to Sean or anyone else why I was visiting a week early for Noel's wedding. Did I forget to mention that? Noel and Zoey got engaged on Christmas. Talk about a quick decision. The idea of them together for eternity made me more nauseous than I could express, but I didn't dare say anything to him. I mean, he never told me not to be with Ben, did he?  
  
Actually, yes. He did. I wish he'd said it a few more times.  
  
Sorry. Off track. Meghan and I spent the whole first night I was in New York drinking and cursing Ben. She pulled out a new spellbook she bought off the Internet and began tossing things into a bowl. Before I knew it, she had plucked a hair from my head and was giving Ben a trip either off a curb or down a flight of stairs.  
  
I chose the curb, and Meghan snorted. "Cheaters deserve broken appendages, Felicity, not cuts and scrapes."  
  
I didn't think it would really work, but when Ben showed up at Noel's rehearsal dinner the following week, he had two big scratches on his forehead. I guess he went down hard when he fell. Meghan had to excuse herself to go to the ladies' room, she was laughing so hard.  
  
I wouldn't talk to Ben at all, and he finally stormed out to stay in a hotel after admitting that he and Claire had been sleeping together for more than a month. All this time, I thought Ben was an idiot for getting Lauren pregnant and for not seeing how right we were together, but now I see that I was the idiot. I've been letting him string me along and hurt me for four years. And I'm done.  
  
Noel decided to spend his last night as a single man on the roof, so I stayed up with Meghan again, getting drunk. She plucked another one of my hairs (an ingredient that, if she stays this spell-happy, will make me bald) and said she was going to cast a spell to turn back time. I went to bed and when I woke up, I was back on the roof.   
  
With Noel.  
  
I know you remember that teeny, tiny note in my Christmas card, right? Merry Christmas, Sally, hope all is well, I slept with Noel, broke up with Ben and now we're back together again, my life is like a soap opera, love Felicity - that whole thing? I figured you'd remember.  
  
Yes, I'd told Meghan that if I could do it over again I'd be with Noel. That I wished I could go back to the night we slept together and choose to be with him. I never dreamed it would actually happen.  
  
I know you think I'm crazy. I know you think I've lost my marbles but I haven't. I'm just stuck back in October 2002 and things are so different. Tracy isn't married to Elena - okay that isn't different - and Meghan isn't married to Sean and Javier isn't divorcing Samuel. Noel isn't employed, except for the guidance councilor position, and I don't know what I'm doing.  
  
I'm with Noel, and I'm happy with Noel, but there's this voice in the back of my head. This voice that either shows me pictures of Ben with his son, or of Meghan and Sean all happy on their six-month anniversary, all these things. Things that aren't going to happen now, and I'm not sure if they should happen or not. I don't know how to make the distinction.  
  
So please, Sally, don't think I'm crazy. Don't think that I've lost my mind. Just talk back or even call and tell me that everything's going to be fine.  
  
Tell me that Noel and I will be fine, because I'm scared.  
  
Love,   
Felicity  



End file.
